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Tuesday, 24 June 2008

To anticipate any questions, here's the reason for the move. And to anticipate further questions, I'm currently outside of the Chinese borders, hence my ability to update. Thanks for reading (if there are any of you still out there...)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Gave Up

Nobody likes to give up. It's hard to face yourself in the mirror (or reflective glass surface, back of a spoon, whatever happens to be around) when you're filled with such guilt and shame. Knowing that you didn't do all you could have, knowing that your second thoughts, uncertainty and laziness brought about such a horrible chain of events. I don't know how I live with myself...

You may be wondering: Why all this negativity? Well, it's quite interesting, if you really would like to know.

In the glorious old days, when I hadn't been getting screwed thirty ways to Sunday by our lovely rulers [Editor's note: just to avoid any surprises, we'll avoid most directly antagonizing words or names from here on out, lest we attract any government attention] and their fickle web-blocking schemes, a thing called "Xanga" was a big part of my life. Admittedly, it was a huge part of my life. It proved to be the catalyst that I needed to awaken some long-dormant abilities. (No, no, I am not some advanced, genetic, next-thing-in-evolution mutant, but - oh - how a boy can wish...) Namely: writing. Be it ranting, raving, reviewing, posturing, fawning, observing, entertaining - the list of gerunds goes on and on - it provided a much needed outlet for my word-diarrhea and a powerful tool to keep me connected to friends around the world. So when it was suddenly and nonsensically blocked, I was at a loss.

I tried proxy servers. But my own impatience proved to get the best of me and I couldn't deal with the slowness.

I even bought my own address. Too lazy to get it started, it sat in the weird, black nether-regions of the Internets for over a year.

Then, I decided it was time to get off the proverbial pot. But, lo and behold, surprise! NeilYeung.com is not accessible here either. Even THAT, a virgin webpage that hadn't harmed anyone (yet) was already magically blocked by the powers as well. I haven't the foggiest idea either.

So finally, I just gave up. I gave up and continued to write, force-feeding select pieces on unsuspecting and unfortunate friends who couldn't bear to deny me an audience. And this went on. Too stubborn to give up on my $20 USD per year hosting fee, too lazy to pay for a proxy service that may or may not allow me to use my own homepage. Two years since the Great Xanga Kill of 2006. And I've cracked. In all my conceit, I needed more. So I come crawling to Blogger. I'm tempted to make some sort of resurrection comment here, in the spirit of Easter, but I'll hold my tongue, lest I incur the wrath of the Pope as well.

Who knows how long this site will be able to function before Beijing decides to give it the axe for whatever silly reasons they come up with (usually involving "hurting the feelings of the Chinese people"). So as long as it (and I) am around China, it'll have to do for now.

Neopolitan v2.0. Thanks for reading.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Dear Valued Customer,

We have moved our location to neopolitan630.blogspot.com

Your understanding is much appreciated. Thank you for your continued interest in our product.

Sincerely,

Management

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Summer Rain
(Or, Getting Your Ass Flooded By The Heavens)

If Noah were still alive today, the past few weeks in Asia would have given him some terrible flashbacks that would end up in a murderous zoo rampage with Noah screaming "No, not again!" as he was dragged off to jail. Crazy amounts of water have been dumped onto China this summer, and it's only July. Living in my nice Shanghai bubble, I'm immune to the fatal flooding that pounded Central and Southwestern China, leaving villages ravaged, houses washed away and many people dead and bloated. I say a prayer for those souls lost in the torrent, and then I return to my selfish thoughts of a clear and dry tomorrow.

While visiting Guangdong, my relatives and I spent more time hoisting umbrellas above our heads than enjoying the tourist sights erected by our forefathers. Without warning, the sky would break and sudden showers blanketed the streets with raindrops the size of kumquats. Then, just as quickly, it would subside. This probably is, no pun intended, a godsend for us: providing free showers for stinky local dudes with no established bathing habits. Granted, the rain is slightly acidic, but that acid helps to dissolve the caked-on nasty from days of not showering.

Back in Shanghai, things are much the same. One afternoon at the end of June, the sky suddenly turned black and rained a hell flood on a scale that I have never seen in my entire life. It was 4PM, yet the sky was pitch black, having been completely blocked out by the curtain of falling rain. Outside, it looked like it was 11PM. The sky was an Armaggeddon, End of Days, Quickly Repent Filthy Sinner! kind of black. As I was frantically hording canned goods and bottled water into my secret treetop canopy lair (underground lairs = death trap in a flood), the downpour suddenly stopped and the cicadas starting buzzing again. Nature is fickle like that. My cans of SPAM will have to wait until the next near-disaster...

In recent days, the weather has been slightly more bearable and the humidity hasn't been so oppressive. This can probably be attributed to the spat of downpours that we've been experiencing. On Saturday, a flash downpour left me soaked completely, my pants wet to the crotch and my shoes emitting a squish-squeak farting noise because they were filled with water. This was a perfect excuse for me to go shopping for some dry clothing. Yesterday, a post-lunch flash flood rendered me (and a handful of coworkers) sodden for the remainder of the work day. I didn't get it as bad as some, who looked like they had been blasted by a fire hose in a ghetto riot. With water about 8 cm deep on the streetside, rain falling in streams rather than drops, and a significant lack of umbrellas, it was impossible to even fancy the thought of staying dry. So we embraced the ridiculousness of our situation and took a midday shower. Luckily none of us caught pneumonia (knock on wood).

As a child, I loved summer rain because it was an excuse to run around outside like a crazy person and get completely wet. Just like spending a day at the pool, but without the pee water and head dunks. Now, I find myself longing for those days when the idea of an afternoon shower didn't bring up a fear of getting work clothes wet, damaging expensive footwear, or ruining your hair-do. Luckily all the women in Shanghai carry umbrellas to block the sun's rays; you never know when a sunny day will be fouled by a sudden flash rainstorm.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Best of 2007 (So Far)
(Or, God Have Mercy, Life Is Good)

In the short quarter century that I have been on this earth, I have never experienced a year so jam packed with new material by my favorite bands. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing, and since I am still living in China while these bands are touring, I have a serious case of concert blue balls. 2007 is so insanely abundant with good shit that I wonder what happened in order for the universe to conspire this convergence of badassness into one span of 365 days.

Since my taste in music is by no means high-brow or definitive, there is a certain slant to the following list that might not excite every music fan reading this (as you have come to expect). But if you cannot find even one artist in the following list of 2007 releases that you like, then you aren't fit to live. Even those inclined to shame the very essence of the name of music have something to unleash on the masses this year (see: Toby Keith and 50 Cent). To wit:

Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Bjork, Tori Amos, Kelly Clarkson, Travis, Korn, M.I.A., Interpol, Silverchair, Arcade Fire, The Shins, Smashing Pumpkins, The White Stripes, Marilyn Manson, Queens of the Stone Age, Linkin Park, Klaxons, Arctic Monkeys, Avril Lavigne, Michael Buble, Bright Eyes, Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, Kaiser Chiefs, Modest Mouse, Wilco, Kings of Leon...shall I continue?

Thus, choosing a list of favorite albums for the year so far is a difficult affair. Some albums have been unfortunately eliminated already, being disappointingly subpar (see: Linkin Park, Bjork, Avril Lavigne). Some still haven't had enough time to stew in my brain (see: Interpol, White Stripes, Modest Mouse). The following list was so impossible to narrow down that I opted to choose 10 instead of 5. The only criteria being number of spins that each record has received (in most cases, being played non-stop for hours). With only 6 months behind us, we already have this embarrassing wealth of goodness to enjoy. Picking my year end list is going to be as painful as getting a nut slowly crushed by the stilletto heel of a 500-pound dominatrix.

10. Kaiser Chiefs - Yours Truly, Angry Mob
High energy Britpop that retains the clever lyrics and catchy choruses of their debut while added some layers of depth and darker elements to show a teensy bit of maturity.
Download: Ruby, Highroyds, Heat Dies Down, Learnt My Lesson Well

9. Lily Allen - Alright, Still
Technically a cheat entry, this album was released internationally last year and I've had a year to fall in love with it. The US just got wind of it this year and it has rightfully made her a star. The upbeat, reggae-inspired pop confections drip with sarcasm and seriously hilarious lyrics. Catchy as syphillus.
Download: Smile, Everything's Just Wonderful, Knock Em Out, The Littlest Things

8. Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
Old school, Motown-ish throwback album of soulful R&B with a modern edge. Again, the Brits impress with well-written lyrics ("What kind of fuckery is this? You made me miss the Slick Rick gig..." from "Me & Mr. Jones"), but the production and instrumentation on this album alone make it worthwhile.
Download: Rehab, Back To Black, Me & Mr. Jones, You Know I'm No Good

7. Marilyn Manson - Eat Me, Drink Me
Now that his trilogy (Antichrist Superstar, Mechanical Animals, Holy Wood) has been canonized into the annals of Best Metal Albums Ever, Mazza returns with a shocker of an album. Filled with strutting bombast, crazy guitar solos and a healthy dose of rollick, he's managed to make a *gasp* rock and roll album. What's surprising about this is that it's also his most personal album ever. Whether it's simply because he's become culturally irrelevant and has run out of things to say is up for debate (on the track "Mutilation Is The Most Sincere Form Of Flattery", it becomes painfully obvious just how much he needs attention, firing off a venemous attack on a most unlikely and pathetic target, My Chemical Romance. Meh?). However, this is quite possibly the first real honest album he's ever made. Of course, it's all about love, loss and heartbreak. Even burnt-out demons weep sometimes.
Download: Putting Holes In Happiness, Red Carpet Grave, You and Me And the Devil Make 3, Mutilation Is The Most Sincere Form Of Flattery

6. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
In my opinion, Arcade Fire are indeed overrated. But after listening to this album, how could they not be? Building upon their debut that combined a kitchen-sink mentality with some serious high school band geek indulgences, this sprawling and theatrical disc works best when listened to straight through. Awash in beautiful melodies and haunting soundscapes, the songs manifest themselves in an inexplicable way that end up digging into your brain, which results in repeated listening and some well-deserved critical hyperbole.
Download: Neon Bible, No Cars Go, Keep The Car Running, Black Wave/Bad Vibrations

5. Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
Overwhelmingly beautiful album of country-flavored twang that saves itself from being too cornball with touching lyrics and the right amount of gloom. Proving that fiddles and banjoes have a rightful place in music, the album brims with short tales of love, death, politics, war, sadness, fear and joy in the modern American landscape. A delicate and gorgeous record.
Download: Hot Knives, Four Winds, No One Would Riot For Less, Make A Plan To Love Me, Middleman

4. Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare
Like Godzilla and Mothra battling amidst the skyscrapers of Tokyo, the guitars on the Monkeys' sophomore album duel for the listener's attention and result in a crazy catchy batch of tunes that manages to outdo their debut. The bounce and groove that permeate the majority of this album cannot be denied. There's a palpable energy here, even on the mellow tracks that slowly burn themselves into your head.
Download: Brianstorm, Teddy Picker, Balaclava, 505, D Is For Dangerous

3. Silverchair - Young Modern
The most underrated band of the decade. Still remembered in the US as the young Nirvana rip-offs from the mid-nineties, silverchair grew up, became absolutely genius, and released a pair of jaw-dropping albums (Neon Ballroom, Diorama) that Nirvana could never even hope to conceive of in Dave Grohl's wildest dreams. This first release in five years is astounding, combining the beautiful orchestral pop that made Diorama a masterpiece with the electronic experimentation found on the Dissociatives side project. If there is one album this year that I beg you to try out, just for your own musical benefit, it would be this one. Pretty please.
Download: Straight Lines, Those Theiving Birds, Low, Waiting All Day, Reflections Of A Sound

2. Tori Amos - American Doll Posse
She's got her balls back. Overly complicated concept aside, this huge group of songs has a hint of everything that diehard fans had been missing from her past albums. Playful humor, beautiful melodies, some venemous bite and songs that don't melt together in an indistinguishable mush (see: parts of Scarlet's Walk and The Beekeeper). Each song has it's own personality (see: overly complicated concept) and is instantly recognizable and catchy. If you're not a fan, this won't change your mind. But if you are, then be thankful that she still has it in her, almost 20 years into the game.
Download: Bouncing Off Clouds, You Can Bring Your Dog, Mr. Bad Man, Beauty of Speed, Secret Spell, Dragon, Father's Son

1. Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
The best concept album in recent memory. The most creative marketing campaign in the past decade. The album that returns us to a more digital sonic terrain. The first time Trent's ideas, visions and pain are projected outwards. The violence, loathing, rage, lonliness and other happy feelings are still here, but now they are being utlized by a cast of characters populating a post-apocalyptic world that has been left in ruin by GW Bush and the current state of world affairs. Whether the concept increases your love of the project or not, it doesn't distract from the music, which is infused with some of the funkiest dance beats Trent has ever mustered, pummeling mechanical distortion, and a vast sense of despair. Whether we survive or not has yet to be seen (part 2 is coming next year), but this soundtrack to the end of the world would allow me to die a happy fan.
Download: Hyperpower!, Survivalism, My Violent Heart, Capital G, Great Destroyer, In This Twilight, Zero-Sum

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Sweatin' To The Oldies
(Or, Me And My Big Mouth)

Summer has officially arrived in Shanghai. Almost a month late. In recent days, you might have heard me curiously questioning the strange delay in the arrival of the hot, humid and generally uncomfortable Shanghai summer. Well, now thanks to my big mouth, the universe has caught wind of my ill queries and taken a big, moist, condensation-filled shit on our fair city.

Usually, at the beginning of May, the sun begins to beat down on us like a bully in a schoolyard. Proceeding accordingly to the way nature demands, daylight extends, the heat increases, and the atmosphere begins to collect all the moisture it can from the nearby storm systems. And we plunge into some of the most uncomfortable weather known to man (Editor's note: since we'll never live in the Sahara, the Amazon or Antarctica, the designation of "most uncomfortable weather known to man" is relative only to the location of your dear author). However this year, due to Al Gore and his global warming, our seasons have shifted even further and clearly gone insane. I mean, I was wearing tight dark denim jeans just a week ago! Mother mercy... At this rate, the season shift will result in booty shorts and tanktops at Thanksgiving dinner and no winter chill to freeze me in my unheated apartment. The end of days is near...

Now that summer has arrived in Shanghai, my body is getting reacquainted with the familiar discomfort and hell that comes hand-in-hand with the season. Dripping as soon as you step warily outside your nicely air-conditioned apartment. Sweating the moment you step out of the shower. Sweating WHILE you are taking a shower. Laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, the puddle of sweat collecting under the small of your back and soaking into the sheets in a wet mess that is sadly not post-coital glow. The thin film of filth, a noxious concoction of personal stink and toxic air, settling onto every exposed inch of skin and polluting your pores. The air, thick and hot, like a suffocating sheet of saran wrap being pressed against your face. Mix that with the chemical odors drifting about and it smells like a laboratory sauna. And let's not think about the horror that is humid-frizzy-hair head... This hell will not let up for the next few months, so it's best to get used to it or just kill yourself now.

In our company elevators, I am reminded of evil incarnate and have come to fear death once again. You know how a bunch of Chinese dads smell after playing a game of basketball at the high school gym on Sundays after Chinese school? Or how about the way your nutsack (or, if you're a girl, your roast beef curtains) smells all tangy after a day of summertime exercise and perspiration? Multiply that by ten and imagine that same stinky milkshake of musty scrotums and Chinese dads haven't been showered in a month. Yikes! The sour bouquet damn near knocked me out this morning in the company elevator, my nose mere millimeters away from some short guy's fetid scalp. I know I complain about this every year, but after having a few months repose from this onslaught, it really does shock the system. Even breathing out the side of your mouth won't help you here...you can taste the tartness creeping down into your lungs.

This weekend, I'll be descending into the humid hotbox that is Guangzhou (a.k.a. Canton), to visit the motherland (er, mothervillage?) and see some relatives. It will no doubt be a hundred times worse than Shanghai. Probably closer to Hong Kong or Taiwan in terms of weather, but much worse because, let's face it, I'm still on the continental mainland. Alas, this is all a necessary evil to live with. I gripe and I gripe because I'm an old curmudgeony bastard, but I would still take summer over winter any day. But I'll be damned if I ever get used to this horrible stank.